"Opposites attract it's physical
only logical you must try to ignore
that it means more....
Who needs a heart, when a heart can be broken?"
Heavy sigh! First off, let me raise my hand and say that I am a total, hopeless romantic at heart: I still believe there is an everlasting love for each one of us, that there is romance in relationships where public displays of affection are the norm, I believe in commitment if you are in a relationship---meaning, you are with only one person and no other, and I also believe in the sanctity of union (whether it be marriage or a commitment of another kind).
What is stirring the pot with this blog is the recent airing of programs like "My Five Wives" and "Sister Wives." I don't understand how these women do it. Day after day, month after month...they are a part of a communal relationship where there is one man who supposedly is "in love" with 5 women and they all get along. Each woman has her "day/night" with him...and you can almost bet what they spend their time doing....fighting, talking about household and children things, falling into bed and if lucky satisfy each other sexually before falling into an exhausted sleep before the man goes to the next woman the next day and does it all over again! Excuse me....what planet do they live on???? And exactly what degree of degradation do each of these women possess? To get a man to admit that he is in love with you ONE time is hard enough, let alone admitting it FIVE times with FIVE different women who are supposed to be each others' best friend. I don't doubt that he "loves" them and loves characteristics in each of them, but "in love"....no.
Think back, for a moment, if you will, how did it feel when you knew that you were totally over the moon in love with your partner or spouse? Was it love at first sight? Was is a slow, smoldering burn that took a while to combust? Was it just a feeling of yeah, this is the one? Or, maybe, just maybe you still haven't felt the earth move even though you are with someone that you "love." Loving someone and being "in love" with them are two totally different things.
I was in a relationship with a man who had to have other women. It made me feel used and like I wasn't enough and that is why he ran elsewhere. After much counselling, I saw that it wasn't me, but it was the man with the narcissistic personality disorder who had to feed his craving. That being said, I know there are different reasons behind why men (and women) do the multiple partner thing. Do I get it? No, I can't even begin to wrap my head around that concept because it is not something I plan to be a part of. Do I watch these programs? No, hearing about them and seeing the ads for them has made me want to NOT watch them with the hopes that the non-support will get them off television.
So, back to my initial question....what's love got to do with it? In today's instant society where we microwave what we eat and hit up fast food joints quicker than we can run red lights, love truly has nothing to do with it for many. I say many because I'm just enough of an optimist to believe there truly are people out there who have morals and who know what love is. (Another good song....I Wanna Know What Love Is). I speak from the female perspective, but I know men feel the same way....only a select few are seeking long term, forever, last love relationships. The rest are in it for the instant satisfaction a one night stand can provide, then it is on to the next one to see if that person is different or better than the one before. If they aren't, then it is on to the next and the next. It's so sad to see this, worse yet, to be part of a society that has lowered its standards so much that the trenches seem to be a higher place to live than the real world.
To those of you with long lasting relationships and commitments I say Good For You! Cherish that person in your life with all of your heart. Know that the grass is NOT greener on the other side. Hold onto pleasing each other, communicating with each other, showing attention and affection, and listening to each other. Guys...listen, know and learn your lady....understand that doing the little things really means a lot--dishes, taking the kids so she can have an hour break, cooking a meal, having a date night. Ladies...you too...LOVE AND TAKE CARE OF YOUR FELLAS...and in that I mean appreciate that he works hard, that he is tired when he gets home, that maybe you need to just give him 30 minutes of quiet to de-stress before you hit him with the crap of the day. Love him, and I mean love on him physically and emotionally. Send random texts or put notes in pockets (this goes for both parties involved). We are not promised tomorrow...nor the next breath we breathe. Don't wait until it is too late to say I love you, I cherish you, you're important to me. I can guarantee you that if you begin to implement even one of these things...or one that you have thought up yourself...it will sharpen and solidify your relationship with your forever love.
I welcome your feedback on any of my posts...Until next week...I'm sending you all love and a huge hug.